"Got any yellow? Ooo, a quarter!"

-Mark Kielbasa, cross-country practice

"Special delivery of potato chips and Coke."
-Nicole and me, being bored

"Skippity, skippity, tra-la-la!"
-Some guy in the drama class, while practicing a play on the East Lawn

"Wow. Oh, wow. Oh. Oh...um...oh. Wow."
-Nicole, on makeup-related mistakes

"Well, maybe if I just...step out of the room for a minute, that green hyphen will mysteriously disappear."
-Mrs. Dibos, Nicole's and my English teacher, on giving us "double happiness" (no homework)

"Nyeh nyeh nyehh..."
-Me, attempting to not die on Super Smash Bros.

"Yes, Brian, I regularly carry tape around with me everywhere I go."
-Brett Johnson, clarifying whether he has tape with him at cross-country practice

"I haven't had this much fun since the last time I ate a lightbulb."
-Nicole, expressing sarcasm

"Let's communicate via telepathy."
-Alex White, being himself

"Be brave, be strong, don't die, and may the Force be with you!"
-Nicole and I, on facing the unknown (maze) on Catalina Island

"Obey the llamas!"
-Lauren Farrington, on who rules the universe

"I will rule the world! Okay, okay...I will rule the toilet!"
-Jeannie, on goals

"Heck no! I didn't lose my marbles...I never had any to begin with!"
-Jeannie, on sanity

"The fish are Communists...everyone's a Communist."
-Cameron, being paranoid

"...And they [the questions] are in Chinese...and if you do not understand it then you will get an EFFFFF!"
-Cameron, telling me about his history teacher

"Garrett! You have a sticker on you, Garrett! Now everyone will want one, Garrett! Knuckle pushup position, Garrett! Everybody down!"
-Master McKenna, in a VERY good mood

"Candy! Candy! Long! Straight! Piece! Of! Sugar!!"
-Jesse, on candy

"The answer to every question is 7, except the answer to number 7, which is canteloupe."
-Mr. Halverson, my science teacher, on his tests

"...But the evil distracting clock was staring at me like some creepy guy at a bus station..."
-Kevin Kelley, using descriptive language in English class

"Purple is a manly color."
-Lauren F., on Devon Fritz's purple shirt

"Hello, 911? I'd like to order a pizza, some fries, and a Coke...Is this an emergency? Yeah, this is an emergency, I'm hungry!"
-Cameron, being bored (and hungry, but he didn't really call)

"Must be the Y chromosome."
-Nicole and me, explaining strange things done by the male species

"Can I have your burrito?...Please?...I love you!..."
-Kirk, being hungry

"I don't like bunnies!"
-Someone watching the new Wallace and Gromit movie (The Curse of the Were-rabbit)

"I heard smudge!"
-Nicole, in English, no apparent reason

"Do braces rust?"
-Unknown

"Have you ever just wanted to microwave some cheese?"
-Unknown

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critcize them, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes."
-Unknown

"...So my husband, to deal with all this new stress, suddenly decides to go out and repaint the garage."
-Mrs. Shebloski, my Spanish teacher, on stress

"Now, you might think 75 to stay alive, like my husband, or in Anthony's case, D = Diploma."
-Mrs. Shebloski, on study habits

"Seniority is like rust...it never sleeps."
-Master McKenna, on promotions

"The mark of greatness is being able to make everyone look like a pepper."
-Dad, on photography

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
-Britt McKinley, on pink, dresses, and rap

"Question everything. Especially authority."
-Me, on politics

"Have you ever looked at your legs to make sure they're the same length?"
-Master McKenna, no apparent reason

"Doherty, you're gay."
-John Lococo (and his tape recorder), being bored

"How do you say 'parachuting off the helicopter'?"
-Scot Dole, Spanish, no apparent reason

"Ka!"
-Cross-country freshman guys, being bored (now means "attack")

"Shra!"
-Jeannie, no apparent reason (now means "Froot Loops")

"Petersen!"
-Brett Johnson, naming the new freshman scapegoat

"Because when the evil people come, they won't be able to get my brain through the plastic."
-Britt, on why she had a plastic bag on her head

"Lauren, how do you turn the computer on?!"
-Mom, having technical difficulties

"I have found the sprinkles and now there is no stopping me."
-Me, on methods of world domination/desserts/discoveries

"Oy!"
-Tony Bareno, Brian Randlett, Brett Johnson, form of agreement

"Do the hustle!"
-A.J., PE class, no apparent reason

"I have a great idea. How about you all take off jogging and when you come around this corner, I spray you with the fire extinguisher?" 
-Master McKenna, no apparent reason

"So that's why it didn't taste like apple juice."
-Brett Varnadore, being mistaken

"Oh no wait - owls have beaks."

-Nicole, being confused

"So now we have an odd number of people here, as opposed to a number of odd people."

-Master McKenna, on the number of people in class

"I think a full moon makes all the Kool-Aid in kids' brains go south, making them even more insane than usual."

-Master McKenna, on full moons and kids

"You rack disciprine!"

-Master McKenna, no apparent reason

"You can't have water! You didn't earn water! You sparred like a chicken!"

-Master McKenna, on sparring

"Why bother with logical when illogical is so much more amusing?"

-Me, on reasoning

"Wrong finger, dipshit."

-Matt Hurrell, on which finger the wedding ring goes on

"It's the aliens, Jeremy...they've come for you."

-Master McKenna, on a helicopter flying overhead

"Where's my cell phone?!...oh wait..."

-Jeannie, while talking on her cell phone

"It's an electronic machine! Why does it have to spit paper at me?"

-Master McKenna, on his fax machine

"I HAD MONSTERS TODAAAYY!!!"

-Reina, on why she was hyper in karate

"Whoa, for a minute there, I thought that palm tree was a guy in a kilt."

-Alex White, being confused

"Chelsea, we hate - I loved that book!"

-Nicole, being distracted

"I have never been, nor hopefully will I ever be - Oreos."

-Me, being distracted

"Just like Mom's lucky machete."

-Master McKenna, on the correct hand position for a chop

"I want pizza NOW!"

-Katie Ayers, being hungry

"I say, Stewart...pass the crumpets."

-Katie Ayers, being bored

"The Darwin Award isn't an official award, but it goes to people who climb out of the human gene pool in really stupid ways."

-Me, explaining the concept of the Darwin Award to my brother

"Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill."

-T-shirt

"Lift and separate."

-Bradford, my chemistry teacher, on molecular charges

"Because that makes you frustrated. And that makes me laugh."

-Bradford, on tests

"Usually if I sit there and scream long enough, someone will get it for me."

-Courtney, on dropping things

"Gertrude! I've had my fun now!"

-Mom, on what happens when you open the washing machine while it's on the spin cycle

"I shall take this cap and put it into this bottle..."

-Nicole, being bored

"Maybe not."

-Chelsea and me, on whether the makers of "Happy Feet" were trying to tell us something about humans and the environment

"Ammonium chloride is not a registered trademark."

-Bradford, on typos

"Nachoooooo!"

-Some random guy, on Halloween

"I have the right to superglue your mouth shut."

-Jessica, on rights

"I'm the pure essence of annoyance."

-Shaun, on being annoying

"I'm always here to do something stupid."

-Courtney, on being stupid

"First, fifth, they sound the same."

-Harley, Ian's drum teacher, on cross-country

"How can you beat a dead horse dead? Why would you beat a dead horse?"

-Bradford, being random

"Holy mackerel! How did I come up with this mass?"

-Bradford, on solving chemistry problems

"We were so close to catching a seagull at lunch...we were gonna put it in Billy's backpack."

-Brett Johnson, on being bored

"You're retardit."

-("Big") Robert, no apparent reason

"Now say, 'I love this form better than toast.'"

-Master McKenna, on forms

"...So Rome ends up being Communist, Japan discovers America and makes an alliance with the natives, they declare war on each other, and then Australia beats them both with its kangaroo cavalry and takes over the world! That's awesome!...I better get an A on this."

-Ryan B., on alternative histories

"GET CAMERON!!"

-Reina and me, on sparring

"The gnome...I don't know what's with the gnome. Sometimes we play review games and we throw stuff at the gnome. That's always fun."

-Lourey, my history teacher, on his garden gnome

"If someone attacks you with a sword, the weapon to counter, I believe, is an SUV."

-Master McKenna, on being attacked by someone with a sword

"I got three kinds of glue on me today, but only two of them were superglue, so I only glued myself to myself twice instead of three times."

-Nicole, on glue

"Oh no."

-Nicole and me, on the varsity boys' soccer team's school spirit

"It asploded."

-Kevin Kelley, on chemical reactions

"Because that would make too much sense."

-Josef H., on being logical

"Wait, what?!"

-Me, being confused

"My mom sometimes says I'm sharp as a marble, and I don't get it...marbles aren't sharp!"

-Some girl in my P.E. class last year, being confused

"You know...books like that are good for tying to peoples' feet if you want to dump them in a pool or something and drown them."

-Ryan B., on textbooks

"Never use 'good' in an essay."

-Ryan B., on essays

"A purse..."

-Some little girl at the zoo, on what a snake felt like

"It's all good."

-Alex W., on life

"Who would win a fight between a ninja, a monster, a ghost, and a pack of very small bears?"

-Lourey, on bonus questions

"Would you rather have the power to see the future, the power to control all the bees in the world, or T. rex arms?"

-Lourey, on bonus questions

"Ow, that's cold."

-Robert, on cold things

"It...won't...light...on...fire!"

-Derek F., having difficulties

"Derek, you suck."

Jayme I., on Derek's difficulties

"Increase magnification!...Aye, Captain!"

-Bradford, on focusing the overhead

"Sheet! Sheet! My answer sheet!"

-Devon M., on ripped papers

"Nothing starts off a good samurai anime like giant robot ownage."

-Isaac, on anime

"This isn't going to injure me in any way, will it?"

-Catrina, on being shown stuff

"She's in a fetal position! Let's sit on her!"

-Catrina, on self-defense

"The bus was an hour and a half late and when it came it wasn't even our bus – the driver was dropping off the swim team, but out of the kindness of her heart she gave us a ride back...otherwise, we'd probably still be there."

-Me, on bureacracy

"Philosophy on an empty stomach leads to things like Communism."

-Mom, on philosophy

"Well, there's an F."

-Lieb, on flattery

"It'll affect the hinging motion of the hinge."

-Brett, on the effect of welding on laptops

"No, really...I was at the psychiatrist."

-Me, in 8th grade, on being tardy

"It’s all due to the microprocessing of the stratified squamos epithelium complex within a standard quadrant of the endomorphic plain upon which the codified epilidrose compounds on the equivalence relation of the denumerable infinite set. That makes the pH time delation accelerate as the displacement variable becomes asymptotic and the limit approaches infinity, hence, by strong mathematical induction, breaking the space-time continuum."

"It's like, 'I'm skinny. Let's touch!'"

-Erik, on advertising

"God, is that you?"

-Dennis, on silhouettes

"...and twenty pounds of seafood."

-Allen, on senior pranks

"Fifty bucks?! For fifty bucks I'd better get a lap dance or something."

-Eric, on Sweethearts bids

"It's on pause."

-Jesse, on headbanging to an iPod

"I promised myself I wouldn't walk out with this."

-Brett, on taking the TV remote

"I have to stay within fifty feet of it, or else the detonator won't work."

-Allen, on leaving his stuff somewhere

Kaycee: "You lose the Game!"

Devon: "No, I don't. I hacked the Game."

Kaycee: "You can't hack the Game. The Game has a firewall."

Devon: "I jumped the firewall."

Kaycee: "What are you, a Mexican haxor?!"

-Kaycee and Devon, on the Game

"How do you hide a van that big?!"

-Chelsea, on full parking lots

"That's got to be the weirdest site I've ever seen."

-Skocko, on Devon's Flash project

"What is that?...Can you hit people with it?!"

-Reina, on The Stick (muscle massagey thing)

"...She bit me."

-Clayton, on enthusiasm

"I know what that is! It's a warthog!"

-Some kid at the zoo, on meerkats